We were in a crowded food court a few months ago,
and I was looking for our daughter because we were supposed meet her and our son-in-law there.
As we located a table that the four of us could sit down to, and I was pulling out a chair, I saw our daughter walk into the area. She was about 100 feet away from us on the other side of the room.
A smile swept over my face and I waived enthusiastically towards her.
She acknowledged my waive.
However, at that precise moment a man who I didn't know at all, walked into the sightline between us. He smiled warmly and waived enthusiastically back to me.
Then he realized he didn't know me.
He looked quickly behind him to our daughter, and saw that it was her that I was trying to connect with and not him. So he ducked his head a bit ashamedly, and moved away from my gaze as fast as he could.
I felt bad for him,
because I've experienced the same sensation.
It feels like you forced yourself into a conversation,
and want to apologize for your interruption.
You feel a bit foolish and weirdly, your self-worth can even take a hit.
It washes over you in seconds and is usually forgotten quite soon,
but in that moment,
at the very least,
it feels very awkward.
Mostly, this is a rare occurrence and is not representative of how we feel about who we are, but I think that for some, it can be a microcosm of how all of life is experienced. I have felt seasons in my life were marked by this kind of feeling. Moving from one school to another as a kid and having to figure out who might be part of a new friend circle was hard. Encountering moments where someone you thought would be a fit, but turns out to be un-trustworthy is painful.
Growing up, we do more to brace ourselves for this uncertainty and don't offer ourselves to others before we do some kind of unofficial "background check." This can stretch into our college years and afterwards into the workplaces of our lives. We learn to shield our hearts from overextending and keep our distance; sometimes a lot of distance. Sometimes we stop risking relationships altogether.
As I write those words, I'm feeling saddened by them, and yet, I know them to be true. I've talked with many adults who have told me that this is how they feel. They have gone through divorce, lost their job, have had a family blow-up or just feel isolated for a variety of reasons.
They feel like they could not be the object of anyone else's attention.
God the Father is not like this.
His son is not like this.
His Spirit is not like this.
If we sense that He has locked eyes on us, it's because He has done just that.
HE WASN'T LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE...HE WAS LOOKING FOR US! :)
AND if we initiated the connection, he's ready to meet us. He said things like:
"Come to me, all who are weary..."
"I stand at the door and knock..."
"I will never leave you..."
All of this helps me understand that there is a love for me that's never fickle.
It is consistently directed towards me.
It doesn't flinch.
There is a song that we sing today in church, and if you catch me when I'm singing it, and it looks like I'm pretty intense about it, its because the lyrics resonate deeply in me and with the thoughts connected to those written here. They say:
"I sought the Lord, and he heard, and he answered...I sought the Lord! and he heard! and he answered!
That's why I trust him...THAT'S WHY I TRUST IN GOD MY SAVIOUR, THE ONE WHO WILL NEVER FAIL!"